"Heavily Broken"

Everyday I sit here waiting
Everyday just seems so long
And now I've had enough of all the hating
Do we even care, it's so unfair
Any day it'll all be over
Everyday there's nothing new
And now I just try to find some hope
To try and hold onto
But it starts again
It'll never end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying
Almost heading for a fall
And now my mind is screaming out
I've gotta keep on fighting
But then again
It doesn't end

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do?
I'm heavily broken
And there's nothing I can do
And there's nothing I can do

Feels like I'm drowning
I'm screaming for air
(Screaming for air)
Louder I'm crying
And you don't even care

I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
(What can I do)
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken


I'm heavily broken
And I don't know what to do
Can't you see that I'm choking
And I can't even move
When there's nothing left to say
What can you do
I'm heavily broken [x3]

wow who is this girl that i have turned into? i dont even recognise myself. time to snap out of it huh? i know i know.. i will.. in time.. but fuck.. i cant describe how pissed i am... i was upset.. depressed.. sad.. but now.. pissed.. and at MYSELF.. i was doing so well. u know.. not letting anyone in.. but then this boy comes over with this sob story..this sob story that he knows (we wont mention names but everyone knows who it is that was the worst boyfriend ever a long long time ago)my x treated me bad and that i now have this wall built.. but he hopes that i take it down b/c one day i will make some one a very happy guy.. that im this great prize.. that he would want nothing more then for me to give him one more chance... that it would make him "the happiest guy in the world". hahahaha rriigghhtt... then all of a sudden well...a change of heart.... those tears.. well they must have been fake.. but then with my last post i get this text message.. that "everything he told me was the truth.". yeah... does that help him sleep at night? that i should call im so that we can get things cleared up. for what? to give him piece of mind.. so he can feel better about fucking me over? to feel better about me feeling like shit the past week? to feel better about me building this wall again and stronger than ever? because all hes going to say is how he really does and did love me..and how he just felt that i wasnt into it.. that i acted like "i was only taking him back to hang out with his friends". well do you think thats going to help me? help me get over this? am i supposed to say you know.... its ok.. i understand where youre coming from. cause i dont.. and i dont think that there is anything that he can say to make me be ok with that.. or think that there was something else on his mind.. and i know.. still this makes no sence to anyone.. but the other day i read brittanys.. and i think her blog really helped her. and you know what it is helping.. it is soo different having all this is your head.. but to actually write it down in real form.. its like well.. a slap in the face.. reality.. and thats good.. but thats enough for now.. i need to get to work..

ok so i havenr really been on here in a long long time.. but anywho.. so i pretty much love this "footprints" thing i mean how creepy is that... anywho.. not much to say but my life is good right now. i have the best friends anyone could ask for.. yes that is you jessica suzy KC abby britt lauren megan and KENNY.. ive been hangin out with lauren and megan a lot lately. .its good to be "back where you came from" those were my girls my whole life. and when we hang out its like we never stopped.. other than that been partyin it up with my fav. roomie jess and suzy. although good ol kc made a sweet apearence last night! wow. ras vodka and cran. juice. mmm.... and its good for the kidneys.. wow thank you abby for the good kidney drinks!!! other then that really just hangin out with the fam friends and work.. i also start school soon.. AHH yeah hahaha im not even sure that its what i want to do AT ALL but hey i guess ill live with it for two years huh? so ill do that.. then not sure.. prolly follow jessica around. i mean we are lovers!

next imp. fact is im SINGLE. thank god! im soo bad at the relationship thing.. i mean gew! im good for like 2 maybe 3 months.. oh well.. maybe one day.. although.. if you know and love me you know what im thinking right now.. hahaha i think there is only one person that still reads these that loves me.. yes that is you jessica.. everyone else just hates me and reads this anyway.. oh well i have to get ready for work because well.. i love my job!  so

MUAH!! kisses to all of you. all that love me hate me and have never met me!! im sorry if you hate me, im  sure you have good reason.. actually.. im not sure if its a good reason but i am sure you would have a reason.. i do miss a lot of my x's by that i dont mean boyfriends.. well i can name a few that i do miss.. but thats another story.. well i hope you are all doing well that i wont talk to and i hope that you are happy!! much love

holly fuckin grillion!!

just sort of how im feeling right now.... ill talk about it later..

I thought that I could always count on you
I thought that nothing could come
Between us two
We said as long as we would stick together
We'd be alright
We'd be okay

But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I'll never be the same again

So thank you for showing me
That best friends can not be trusted
And thank you for lying to me
Your friendship, the good times we had
You can have them back
Yeah

I wonder why it always has to hurt
For every lesson that you have to learn
I won't forget what you did to me
How you showed me things
I wish I'd never seen

But I was stupid
And you broke me down
I'll never be the same again

So thank you for showing me
That best friends can not be trusted
And thank you for lying to me
Your friendship the good times we had
You can have them back

When the tables turn again
You'll remember me my friend
You'll be wishing I was there for you

I'll be the one you'll miss the most
But you'll only find my ghost
As time goes by
You'll wonder why
You're all alone

So thank you for showing me
That best friends can not be trusted
And thank you for lying to me
Your friendship and good times we had
You can have them back

So thank you
For lying to me
So thank you
For all the times you let me down
So thank you
For lying to me
So thank you
Your friendship
You can have it back

harsh? well i cried myself to sleep last night.. so i dont think so

all in all my valentines day was pretty good.. besides that crazy mo fo who tried to kill me.. but thats a long story.. i woke up to a card on my face.. no it was ON MY FACE haha it was from my dad.. i love him.. got some gas money... oohh and and and.. i got some awesome flowers and candy from dustin.. mmm candy.. and wild flowers.. have i ever said I LOVE WILD FLOWERS???  anywho.. went out to eat with my love HOLLY and we had a heart shaped pizza.. haha we are soo corney... and my favorite sister came with.. i stopped by jessicas and dropped off some wild flowers. a picture frame of me and her that said my valentine on it and a card on her door step.. i love that girl.. anywho.. i got home and well lets just say i was supposed to go out to dinner.. but well there was a fight.. yeah.. but whats new right?? im always fighting with someone.. so yeah..got a moodring.. hahaha how perfect..a cute card and the movie karate kid.  brian wasnt too happy with me but whatever.. people shouldnt be bitches.. hahaha.. ok ok .. my real valentine was LAYAH!! but that was it in a nut shell.. hope everyone had a good vday!! love yas!!

**HOLLY**